I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
