is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
