You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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