I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
