It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
