I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
