Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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