We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
im holly from the hills drunk
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
