It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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