Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
