So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
