I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
