he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
