the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
