We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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