Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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