girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize