It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
