i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
