cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
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