i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
