what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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