some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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