can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
