I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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