I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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