Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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