bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
