They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
