did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
