I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I have aggressive nipples.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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