if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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