He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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