You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
