thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
