I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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