I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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