I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You pole danced in your parka.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Randomize
