Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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