At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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