high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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