Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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