Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
barbara walters just said penis...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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