It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
