Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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