The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
