The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
