It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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