guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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