his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
