Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
