i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
