He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
