finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
