I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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