He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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