How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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