1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
