I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
