I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
