I like my sex mixed with concussions.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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