so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
