I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
