just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
