The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
is that a dick in a sweater?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
