So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
3pm strippers are depressing
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize