That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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